My Cat is Litter-Box Challenged

We have a new word in my family's vocabulary: Poo-Paw.

As in, "the cat is locked in the bathroom again because it has Poo-Paw."

I don't know what to do about our new cat, Roger. She can't figure out the litter box to save her life. This is her usual routine:

1. Go in litter box
2. Dig hole
3. Stand in hole she just dug and then poop somewhere else (NOT in the hole)
4. Stand on poo she just squeezed out while looking confused
5. Get poo stuck to her paw
6. Cover a completely non-poo area with litter
7. Dunk her "poo-paw" in your bowl of cereal while you're eating it

If we're really lucky, she gets diarrhea (from drinking all the milk she contaminated with her poo-paw) and then flings that all over our bathroom wall. After all, why should she bury her poo with litter when she can bury the litter with her poo? Seriously, we had cat poo a good three feet up our wall.

The other day, she kicked a lot of litter OUT of her litter box and onto the bathroom floor. Then she preceded to pee in the pile of litter on the floor (to be completely honest, she missed most of the litter and peed on the bath mat).

Anybody want a cat?

Universe Update

My eagle-eye daughter, Alice-Grace, found my scriptures thrown in a bush. Obviously, some thieves thought my leather Bible bag was a really ugly purse or an extremely squatty laptop that I had left in my car.

So sorry to disappoint them.

Now I have to dry them out as they've been sitting in a snowbank for a few weeks. Nigel says that with their water-logged puffiness, I'll look like a total scriptorian (they look VERY well read).

Really, it would've been just as easy to throw them back in my car as to throw them in a bush. Are there no considerate thieves left in the world?