No, those aren't lumps of coal from Santa under the tree!

I got my Christmas gift early this year -- a little kitten.

I'm training her to sit by me while I'm reading. She's doing pretty good so far.

When she's not sitting by me, she's shredding up our arms and legs and pooping under the Christmas tree.

We've named her Roger (you'll have to watch "Open Season 2" and then you'll know her personality).

There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays

This year, we're keeping it close to home for the holidays. I'm ignoring all my far away friends and family (sorry if that's you) and only focusing on those people that influence my family's life on a day-to-day basis.

I just bought some treats (believe me, no one wants me BAKING anything for them) and included a small note detailing how much I appreciate them. As I started making a list, I realized how many people I rely on and take for granted.

Such as:

My mail lady who always comments on how cute and clever my homemade postcards are (the people I mail them to never say a word -- maybe she's keeping them?).

My neighbor who had her children make get well cards for my sick kids and even brought them breakfast in bed (homemade waffles!).

My milk man who comes every Monday (even if it's a holiday) and never gets my order wrong.

The couple down the street who opened up their business for Nigel's cub scouts to tour and they had a GREAT time.

The kids who play with my kids every day (even though my kids have a hard time sharing).

My list soon grew to more than 50 people. What a blessing it is to be surrounded by so many terrific people who serve me and my family throughout the year. Thank you!

Snow Lanterns

We've been making snow lanterns at our place. We read about them in a Tasha Tudor book and had to try it for ourselves. The hard part is waiting for there to be enough snow and then waiting for it to get dark to put the candles in them! You just build little igloos out of snowballs, leaving an opening, and then put a small candle inside. Love it!

Christmas Quote

Alice-Grace on Christmas Day:

"Jeffrey! Don't use the bug zapper on Jesus' birthday!"

Ah, the holidays.

2009 Christmas Newsletter

Christmas 2009 for Lois & Family

Lois spent 2009 NOT cleaning her house, NOT scrapbooking, NOT making her kids dinner, and best of all, in this crazy economy, Lois spent the year NOT unemployed.

Nigel spent the year NOT being a starving artist (he actually sold many paintings), NOT getting away from scouts (he went from Webelos leader to Cub Master), but best of all, Nigel did NOT pop any more holes in his lungs.

Frances finished the year NOT reading classic literature when there's a good ghost story or alien book near by, NOT failing in school and NOT being one of those horrible children you see on an MTV reality show.

Jeffrey spent 2009 NOT cleaning up his Legos, NOT giving up his plans for his own Viking-themed amusement park, and NOT letting up on lecturing his family on NOT spending money.

Alice-Grace pretty much spent this last year doing "skin the cat" on an old broom stick that she places between the arm rests of the couch and love seat. Luckily, she has NOT been taken to the emergency room -- yet.

Stupid Rabbit ("Stew" for short) has NOT figured out that he's only supposed to pooh in his cage, NOT realized that he's a vegetarian, and it has NOT dawned on him that a balloon is NOT a girl rabbit.

Here's to a very merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year from our family to yours.

Rocking Around the Christmas Tree...

One of our favorite holiday traditions is turning off all the lights (except for the Christmas tree lights), putting on some danceable Christmas music and rock out.

Here's some of our favorites.

We especially enjoy doing the robot to "Silent Night."

"A Christmas Story"

So we spent the day watching "A Christmas Story" (they were running a 24-hour marathon) and Frances' favorite part is when Ralphie is helping his father change the flat tire and says "fudge." Shortly thereafter, this conversation transpired between her and I:

"Mom, you and dad say the F-word all the time."

"What? We do? When do we ever say that?" (OK, I can totally see Nigel saying it, but me? Never)

"Yeah, but it's OK because you use it the other way. You know, like when the D-word is OK to say sometimes." (As in "damn" and beaver "dam")

"I don't get what you're saying. When is the F-word ever OK to say?"

Exasperated, Frances rolls her eyes at me and says, "You know, when you FLIP the pancakes."

I'm blaming "Napoleon Dynamite."

Visions of Sugar Plums...

Last year we started a tradition of making gingerbread houses.

OK, this is ME doing it, so I don't make gingerbread. We just use graham crackers, various candies and Dot's recipe for icing (butter, milk, vanilla, powdered sugar, food coloring).

Last year Jeffrey made a gingerbread motorhome.

This year he made the scene from "The Polar Express" where the train was breaking though the ice into the water before it got back on the tracks. Of course, in his interpretation, some of the children had fallen into a whirlpool and were being eaten by piranhas.

Now THAT's Christmassy!

Many Happy Returns

We were so spoiled this Christmas. Here's a rundown on some of our gifts:

MOST CREATIVE
Jeffrey made Nigel a hammerhead shark made completely out of empty toilet paper rolls and packing tape.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WELL THIS WORKS
Alice-Grace got the Lil Luvables Fluffy Factory (it's a mini Build-A-Bear Workshop). It works amazingly well and takes NO batteries. A definite thumbs up on this one.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LOUSY THIS IS
Frances got the Totally Me! Sewing Machine which did not work at all. We returned it today (behind another family holding the same toy and it was put on a pile of other sewing machines). She was really looking forward to learning how to sew, so this was very disappointing (though we were happy to see that it wasn't just us that couldn't get it to work).

CHRISTMAS MIRACLES
Jeffrey must've gotten 10 Lego sets and not a single duplicate in the bunch. Plus, all the clothes given to the children fit!

LAZY CHILDREN
Frances got the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine and realized that she can just go outside and get a cup of snow rather than shaving ice-cubes for 20 minutes. Yeah, just try that in July!

GIFT FROM THE HEART
Our Secret Santa gave Frances and Alice-Grace beautiful Alexander Girlz dolls, complete with extra clothes that they sewed themselves! Now that's going the extra mile!!!

Of course, there were many more gifts and a big thank you to everyone, especially our Secret Santas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Last night the doorbell rang at midnight. We were Secret Santa'd AGAIN! We had so many presents, it was amazing. Here I was talking about my kids getting overwhelmed with just three presents, now they each had about 10! I told the kids that Santa had to leave the presents on the porch because our fireplace was blocked by one of my nativity sets (I collect them).

My kids woke me up at 4:30 AM to open presents. I got them to wait until 5:30 AM. I then let them just look into their stockings until about 6:45 AM when Nigel got up.

We then had a great time opening presents. Frances opened all of hers first. Alice-Grace unwrapped some of hers, but didn't open all of the packages until later. Jeffrey, on the other hand, didn't finish opening his presents until 5:00 PM!!! It took him almost 12 hours to open his presents! He had to make each Lego creation and play with each Hot Wheel set before he would open the next gift. After a while, we all took naps and would wake to see him still opening presents! It was the never ending Christmas morning.

Then we went to Lorna's house and visited her family.

All in all, it was a great Christmas -- over the top -- but a great Christmas and one that we'll remember for years to come.

Oh, did I mention that I didn't have to go to work?

Christmas Spirit

I am way excited for Christmas.

Maybe it's because I don't have to work (either job), maybe it's because of all the gifts under the tree (that I didn't have to run out to buy), maybe it's because I'm loopy on Nigel's fondue (did he cook out all the wine?).

I think it's because we had a great Christmas eve of family, food and fun.

My brother and his wife (Henry and Julene) came to visit with their two adorable sons. Jeffrey was so excited to finally have some boys to play with. Lorna stopped by really quick. Our friend, Gayle, came to spend the holiday with us. We visited, ate cheese fondue, read the Christmas story, and everyone got to open one gift.

Oh, I'm so looking forward to tomorrow. Did I mention that I don't have to work?

Secret Santa

It's official. We're pathetic.

I came home from work and there were TONS of presents under the tree. We were ding-dong-ditched, obviously someone's service project. The worst part is that the presents appear to be from a GROUP of people (different handwriting, my kid's name spelled three different ways, etc.). I can just imagine that meeting:

"We need to do a charity project for a needy family in the neighborhood. Does anyone have any ideas?"

"Hey, what about Lois' family? I hear she has her nine-year-old daughter cut her hair."

"I've also heard that she's never been to Wal-Mart."

"Yeah, her husband doesn't even have a job. He just sits around all day drawing pictures."

"And they only paid $1.00 for their car."

"What? They're definitely deprived. Yes, we must help out Lois' family."

I'm sure that's how it went.

Seriously, I'm very thankful for the plenty that's under our tree that has made my kids' eyes wide with Christmas joy. I'm especially thankful because these are people who KNOW us and LOVE us. Santa came early this year and we thank you, Santa (and your many elves).

After all, this is the season of giving -- and receiving -- joyfully.

And the Band Played On

I was in my high school's marching band -- I played the oboe. I know what you're thinking. There's no oboe in a marching band! Well, my high school was very limited in its extracurricular activities, so there was no orchestra. Hence, the world's only marching oboist.

At Christmas our marching band would play in the annual Boat Parade. We would all get on a boat that was decorated with tons of lights and sail around the marina playing Christmas tunes.

Well, one year Ernie the trombone player was a little too close to the side of the boat and a little too enthusiastic playing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" and dropped his slide right into the Pacific Ocean. Now THAT was a memorable Christmas!

A Rose By Any Other Name...

Another big box "full slip" experience today. I went from store to store trying to find a charger that does AA, AAA, C, D and 9-volt batteries. The stores would have some of the batteries, but not the charger; or they would have the charger, but not the rechargeable batteries. I was about to give up when a salesperson suggested, "Have you tried the battery store?" What? There's a battery store? We went there and the staff was friendly, knowledgeable, and they had exactly what I wanted. They now have a loyal customer for life.

Also went to Toys "R" Us, which my mother always referred to as Toys "R" Ours. She could never get the name straight.

My friend's grandma always called ShopKo, Shop-OK.

I love people who put a "the" in front of words. Such as The Food 4 Less or The Macey's.

My kids refer to Carl's Jr. as Star Burger.

When Frances was little, she always wanted to go to Donald King -- yeah, I can't tell them apart, either (though now my kids know that McDonald's has better toys).

Dot also calls the I-Max theater The Maxi. As in, "Are you going to see the Maxi?" Very humorous when we're in mixed company.

Nigel's father used to refer to Dunkin' Donuts as Drunken Donuts.

I think the funniest was my elderly neighbors who were big "Wheel of Fortune" fans. Every night the wife would yell to her husband, "Edward, Edward! 'Oh Vanna' is on!"

A Homemade Holiday

I was babysitting some children and Frances was talking about what she was going to buy people for Christmas. One of the girls I was tending looked at Frances incredulously and said, "You BUY presents? We always make ours."

Now this is a girl who was raised right.

Since I'm the baby of the family, I was always the one making the crazy home-made gifts that I know everyone hated, but they all kept them just the same.

I remember one year my mother got rid of all our decks of face cards (there must've been something in General Conference about the evil of cards or something). Now, I come from a family that LOVES to play cards. What will we do without cards?

I decided to make my own, but with animals on them so that they wouldn't be "evil." Well, I'm not exactly known for my spelling skills and at the time I didn't quite understand why my brother, Clark, loved playing "Go Fish" with my homemade deck of cards. I can still hear him giggle as he would ask:

"Do you have any Loins?"

A Christmas Movie: Take Two

When I look back on the old Christmas movies that my family did every year, I notice a pattern.

Besides filming us hanging up our stockings, my dad also filmed us on Christmas day getting our filled stockings and opening our presents. When we were really little, you could see my brother, J.D., secretly stealing candy from the other kids' stockings. As the years went by and we all got older, one thing would not change. EVERY film showed J.D. stealing candy from people's stockings! He'd be in his 30s and still stealing candy!

I shouldn't be surprised. This was the same brother who would steal food off my plate during the prayer at dinner and he would hold a fork to my side to keep me quiet while he did it.

But no one could ever hate him. No matter how mean he was to us (including cutting off Rena's hair with a pair of toenail clippers), we still loved and adored him.

Though I should warn his wife and son to hide their candy this Christmas.

In the Company of Women

I feel energized, rejuvenated, inspired. Why? Because of the company of women.

The other morning I went to a delicious breakfast celebrating the birthday of a woman we all love and adore (and seems to always weave her way in and out of my life). How wonderful that someone who has never met me would allow me into her home, cook breakfast for me, and then read a book aloud to the woman of honor that left us all in tears.

So many other women were there. Some I know very well, some I know as acquaintances, some I know through blogging, and some I only know because they know my sister, Lorna. It's a good thing that Lorna is totally awesome and loved by all who meet her, because it made them welcome me into their fold with open arms and open hearts.

What a fun time we had eating, talking, sharing, hitting a boot pinata with symbolic rolls of Christmas wrapping paper, invading a neighbor's home to see her Christmas decorations (which has since inspired me), and just being there to listen to each other's triumphs and foibles.

Sometimes in the madness of going to work, taking care of my children, avoiding cleaning the house, and supporting my husband in his endeavors, I lose sight of who I am. Thank you, women, for bringing that back to me.

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille

Back in the early 50s, my father worked in TV. Even though he soon left that job to work as an electrical engineer, he still had some of that movie magic running through his veins.

It started with a Super-8 camera taking simple films of his growing family hanging up their stockings every Christmas eve. As the years went by, we couldn't just hang up our stockings, we had to have ever more elaborate skits that went with the hanging of the stockings. Regular lamps weren't good enough, my dad had these super bright spot lights that would blind us all as he would yell, "Open up your eyes!"

Lorna's husband, Jorge, proclaimed ours "The Cecil B. DeMille Christmases." Just like real film making, we had to wait forever for the lighting to be just right, we'd finally get our skit perfect and my dad would realize that he had the lens cap still on (or no film in the camera), and it would always go over time and over budget. I would half expect to see a couple of grips eating at the Crafts Services table in our living room with the way these productions would play out.

Then in the early '80s, we were introduced to video tape. SOUND. Just like the old silent movie era actors, we were kind of hesitant and some of our skits were still done with no sound. After a year or so, we used this new medium to showcase J.D.'s band or Rena's vocal lessons. Soon, all the neighborhood kids were also involved in our movies.

My favorite Christmas film was when the entire family was struck down with the stomach flu, but we still went on with the show -- with all the kids carrying pots around for barfing in.

Another good one was when Ardale went on and on about how proud he was of Spence and how much we miss him while he's on his mission. Then we hear Spence in the background say, "Don't you mean Henry?" Oh, you should've seen my dad's face on that one.

Just like in real life, we try our best to plan things out and control everything. And just like in real life, our favorite memories consist of the times when everything goes wrong.

Upside-Down, Boy You Turn Me

M-A told me to write a blog about upside-down Christmas trees. I guess there's a new trend of hanging trees from the ceiling so there's more room for presents underneath. I checked it out on the Internet and was not impressed (if I was computer savvy, I would put some links -- but alas, I can barely figure out how to work the rat -- oops, I mean mouse). Does anyone else remember the Wilkinson Center Ballroom being decorated with upside-down trees hung from the high ceilings every Christmas? I guess they were trend setters.

It reminded me of one Christmas when my mother was musing over where to put the tree. She delights in rearranging the furniture and finding a new place for the tree each year.

Rena, Stillwell and I suggested that she should have the tree sticking out from the wall horizontally. Well, she was NOT amused. In fact, she said, "That's enough. Go to bed right now."

We looked at each other, shocked. Was she serious? Go to bed? It was about 3:00 in the afternoon and I was 16, Stillwell was 18 and Rena was 20!!! We shrugged our shoulders and went up to our rooms to bed.

Happy Hurl-idays!

A young girl barfed right by my cart where I sell candy in the mall last night. Not a little bit of spit-up, a huge puke puddle that extended about 3 feet. Nothing kills chocolate sales like the smell of vomit in the air.

Anyway, we called the mall management and told them we needed a clean-up between the candy cart and the curling iron fascists. The smarmy curling iron guy soothed the embarrassed feelings of the little girl and I gave her a plastic bag and a mint in case of future "episodes."

We put a bench over the puddle so people wouldn't walk through it. I was quite amused by the teenage boys picking up their girlfriends and trying to push them into the barf (nobody can say "I love you" like a teenage boy) and two middle-aged women who decided to SIT on the bench!

Finally, after 30 minutes (seriously, THIRTY minutes!), the mall clean-up crew came to the rescue. Happy Hurl-idays indeed!