What I've Been Reading Instead of Cleaning My House

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


The other day, we smelled gas in our home* (natural gas -- this is not a comment on my lack of cooking skills). I called the gas company and they told us to leave immediately and wait for the gas guy to come and check it out. I told everyone to grab what they needed and to go outside. It was quite eye-opening to see what my family considered "essential."

Me (Lois) -- purse and car keys (give me a credit card and I'm fine; in fact, I was secretly hoping that the place would blow up so that I didn't have to clean it anymore).

Nigel -- photocopies of all of his artwork and some sketch books (gee, is anyone surprised at that one?).

Frances -- our pet rabbit, her favorite teddy bear, her favorite bandana, a poster of Zac Efron (I kid you not) and a "ecstacy/rave" binky (she says because it has a whistle and light). She later lamented that she forgot to bring a book (luckily I always keep one in the car -- never know when "Cujo" is going to trap you in there for days).

Jeffrey -- his favorite (and largest) Lego set, his 1st Grade math trophy and a can of red spray-paint (what?).

Alice-Grace -- a tiara, a pearl necklace and her favorite stuffed animals (keep in mind that she forgot shoes).

I'm sure that I forgot some of the items, but you get the gist of it.

Of course, our 72-hour emergency kits were in a state of disarray (I started reorganizing them months ago and never put them back together again), so we couldn't bring those.

*Luckily, it was no big deal -- just some problems with our water heater that were easily solved.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Bangs & Pops

My youngest child, Alice-Grace, has her own unique view on the world. Some recent examples:

We're watching a show about vampires and Alice-Grace proclaims, "Mom! I think I'm a vampire! Look, I have bangs!"

Yes, she mistook "fangs" for "bangs."

Last month we went on a family vacation. Before boarding the plane, I gave all my children some gum to chew to help their ears pop.

During the flight, I was sitting next to Alice-Grace. She kept reaching up and feeling her ears and commenting on how she wished she had a mirror. Then she would look up at my ears and touch them. Finally, she said, "Yeah, I think they're about to pop, they feel really big and squishy."

She thought I meant that the outside of her ears would expand so much that they would eventually "pop" like a balloon.

Now keep in mind that for both of these instances, she was very EXCITED about either being a vampire or having various body parts explode.

She's an odd duck. Oh, to be six again.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

I'm famous for never paying more than $1.00 for any car that I've owned and I think it's starting to show. The other day my kids were singing their own version of "The Wheels on the Bus" in reference to our current buck-mobile. It went something like this:

The wheels on the car go flat, flat, flat...
The oil in the car goes leak, leak, leak...
The battery in the car goes dead, dead, dead...

On and on it went.

The final straw was when I was watching a news report about the federal government's new plan nicknamed "Cash for Clunkers." You get a $4,500 rebate towards a new, fuel-efficient car when you turn in your old gas guzzling clunker. In the report, they were showing various cars which should be turned in -- and there was mine. Same make, model, year, color, everything.

No wonder my kids nicknamed our car "The Cause for Global Warming."