What I've Been Reading Instead of Cleaning My House

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

No more History Channel for you, young lady!

The other day Nigel was coming home from work and he saw Frances and a few of her friends out in our front yard pretending to dig with shovels.

He asked, "Are you planting a garden?"

Frances replied, "No, we're having a war."

Looking puzzled, Nigel queried, "A war? Is that how you're fighting?"

Frances matter of factly answered, "No. We finished the war. Now we're taking care of all the bodies."

Monday, October 20, 2008

"Mom, I got a note here from the Harper Valley P.T.A."

Sorry that I haven't been blogging much lately, but somehow I got roped into joining the PTA/PTO and my life now revolves around this:
and this:
and this:
and even this:

Two words for you: Night and Mare!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Easily Amused

In my humdrum existence, I have to make up games to keep me from going insane.
A favorite is "Beer Bandit." Nigel and I used to play this quite often when we were first married. The rules are simple: whenever you see someone from church (especially someone really pious and devout) in the grocery store, one of you distracts them while the other one fills their shopping cart up with six-packs of beer. Then sit back and watch the hilarity when they are asked for ID at check-out.
Another good one is "Paper or Plastic." Whenever I go to my grocery store, they always ask me "paper or plastic" and I ALWAYS say paper. Without fail, they give me plastic. The amusing part is that the bagger will even have a full on conversation with me about how it's strange that I prefer paper, and the whole time he's putting my food in PLASTIC bags. Now my children wait in eager anticipation to see what kind of bags I bring home and the story that comes with it.
By far, the best game is "Crisco." For some reason, our family doctor is OBSESSED with Crisco. He thinks it can cure anything. Every time we see him he makes a big show of washing his hands before shaking ours and then putting Crisco on them (he has a big lump of it in a bowl by the sink). "Your son has dry skin? Use Crisco." "Chicken pox? Have you tried Crisco?" "Broken arm? Crisco will heal that right up." Now we TRY to get him to say "Crisco" whenever we see him. Sometimes we get desperate, "Doctor, I have a pain on my right side and my pie crusts are not light and fluffy. What should I do?"

I know these are small things, but they keep me smiling and help me get through the day.

Monday, October 6, 2008

What would Jared say?

After a fabulous juggling show at our local library (or "loco library" as Frances used to call it), we stopped by a sandwich shop (we'll call it "Schlubway") for a late dinner.

It was obvious that the girl working the counter was new because she took forever making our sandwiches and kept going to the back to ask "Shane" questions.

Since I don't go there very often, I asked her what came with the kid meals I just ordered (you know, besides the sandwich). She didn't know. Shane came out and said raisins and juice boxes. I was a little perplexed because the menu had pictures of chips or apples and milk. I asked about those options and he looked perturbed at me and said, 'Yeah, if there's any left' and disappeared again to the back.


I had the kids pick out some chips and they didn't want milk, but there was only one juice box in the fridge. I asked if there were any other drinks. The girl said that they could pick anything out of the fridge. They quickly picked out a soda and two apple juices in bottles. I again asked if these came with the kid meals. She assured me that they did.

She then rang up our order. All right, three kids meals at $4.19 each, one foot long at $5.00, my total was $27.95.

What the %&*$?!? I told her that couldn't possibly be right. She said that she rang it up just like Shane showed her. I said that there was no way that was correct.

She went again to the back to get Shane. She was explaining to him that I didn't like the total and that she had rung up the kids meals and then added the cost of the chips and drinks on top of them. I said, "What? Those are supposed to come with the kids meals. I specifically asked if they came with the kids meals."

Then Shane says to me quite curtly, "Don't get angry. You don't have to get mad."

I wasn't mad until he said that. I snapped at him, "What do you mean? I've just been overcharged by 10 bucks!"

He replies, "You haven't been overcharged anything. I haven't charged your credit card yet."

Oh, I'm sorry. My mistake. I guess it's OK to ring it up wrong. It's only bad if I complain about it and not let them overcharge me. My bad.

She rings it up again, correctly this time, and we're ready to leave when I realize she forgot the toys. Of course, my kids only eat food if there's a toy that comes along with it. Now I have to go back and ask for the toys. She throws some toys in the bags and apologizes for being new.

I get in the car and realize that instead of giving us the "iCarly" toys that they had advertised (which was the whole reason why my kids wanted to go there in the first place), she had given us toddler toys.

I give up. I didn't go back (and I probably won't be back).

I was going to complain on the Schlubway Web site, but I figured that Shane would just yell at the poor new girl working all alone in the store. So, I'll just complain on my blog.

There, I feel much better.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Thursday Thopping

Are things really cheaper at those dollar stores? I decided to do an experiment.

I bought 8 name brand items at my local dollar store (finding any name brand items at a dollar store is quite a feat in itself) that I wouldn't mind having multiples of in my food/home storage. I then bought the exact same items at three of my closest grocery stores.

Here are my results:

Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies, 13.1 oz
Dollar Store: $1.00
Smith's: $1.00
Macey's: $1.39
Albertson's: $1.39

Armour Vienna Sausages, 5 oz*
Dollar Store: $0.50
Smith's: $0.41
Macey's: $0.56
Albertson's: $0.99

Del Monte Healthy Kids Enriched Peach Chunks, 15 oz
Dollar Store: $0.50
Smith's: $1.40
Macey's: $1.89
Albertson's: $1.50

Chef Boyardee Mini Bites Pasta, 15 oz
Dollar Store: $1.00
Smith's: $1.00
Macey's: $1.49
Albertson's: $1.00

Nissin Top Ramen Chicken Flavor, 3 oz
Dollar Store: $0.20
Smith's: $0.20
Macey's: $0.20
Albertson's: $0.25

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, 1.5 oz
Dollar Store: $0.50
Smith's: $0.50
Macey's: $0.59
Albertson's: $0.50

Soft & Dri Clear Glide Deodorant, 2.6 oz
Dollar Store: $1.00
Smith's: $2.50
Macey's: $2.79
Albertson's: n/a**

SunSations Dish Detergent, 25 fl oz
Dollar Store: $1.00
Smith's: $0.99
Macey's: $0.99
Albertson's: $1.99

So I guess some things are cheaper, but not that much. You may come across some good deals (like the deodorant and the peaches), but I don't know if that's worth going into a dollar store for. Now, who's going to help me eat all these Little Debbie brownies?

*I made the mistake of taking Alice-Grace with me and she loves those disgusting Vienna sausages.

**Can you believe Albertson's doesn't carry any Soft & Dri deodorants? What's up with that?