Extremely Short Stories

I came across "extremely short stories" recently and I must admit that I love them (they work well with my short attention span).

According to wired.com, Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work. So they decided to have some horror and science-fiction authors give it a try. Here's what they came up with:

The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.
- Orson Scott Card

We went solar; sun went nova.
- Ken MacLeod

whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time
- Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel

He read his obituary with confusion.
- Steven Meretzky

On NPR, Robert Swartwood calls it "Hint Fiction." These have titles and are a little longer (like Twitter messages). Here's some of what he's collected:

"The Return"
They buried him deep. Again.
- Joe R. Lansdale

"Golden Years"
She: Macular. He: Parkinson's. She pushing, he directing, they get down the ramp, across the grass, through the gate. The wheels roll riverwards.
- Edith Pearlman

"Houston, We Have a Problem"
I'm sorry, but there's not enough air in here for everyone. I'll tell them you were a hero.
- J. Matthew Zoss

"Polygamy"
I miss her more than the others.
- David Joseph

Ooh, that last one I should send to TLC's "Sister Wives."

How about you? Care to leave me an extremely short story in the comments?

Dysfunctional Family Bingo!

Oh, if only I had found this earlier! What could be more fun at your next family gathering than a rousing game of Dysfunctional Family Bingo?

You can order it here.

Sibling rivalry, hormonal imbalance, door slamming, questionable parenting, I just need "unsolicited advice" to win. Oh, there it is, BINGO!

Of course, I would have to get my family to actually agree to be in the same room together to play. Drat.

No, those aren't lumps of coal from Santa under the tree!

I got my Christmas gift early this year -- a little kitten.

I'm training her to sit by me while I'm reading. She's doing pretty good so far.

When she's not sitting by me, she's shredding up our arms and legs and pooping under the Christmas tree.

We've named her Roger (you'll have to watch "Open Season 2" and then you'll know her personality).

There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays

This year, we're keeping it close to home for the holidays. I'm ignoring all my far away friends and family (sorry if that's you) and only focusing on those people that influence my family's life on a day-to-day basis.

I just bought some treats (believe me, no one wants me BAKING anything for them) and included a small note detailing how much I appreciate them. As I started making a list, I realized how many people I rely on and take for granted.

Such as:

My mail lady who always comments on how cute and clever my homemade postcards are (the people I mail them to never say a word -- maybe she's keeping them?).

My neighbor who had her children make get well cards for my sick kids and even brought them breakfast in bed (homemade waffles!).

My milk man who comes every Monday (even if it's a holiday) and never gets my order wrong.

The couple down the street who opened up their business for Nigel's cub scouts to tour and they had a GREAT time.

The kids who play with my kids every day (even though my kids have a hard time sharing).

My list soon grew to more than 50 people. What a blessing it is to be surrounded by so many terrific people who serve me and my family throughout the year. Thank you!

Snow Lanterns

We've been making snow lanterns at our place. We read about them in a Tasha Tudor book and had to try it for ourselves. The hard part is waiting for there to be enough snow and then waiting for it to get dark to put the candles in them! You just build little igloos out of snowballs, leaving an opening, and then put a small candle inside. Love it!

Nigella* has nothing on Nigel

If you read my blog, you know that I'm constantly struggling with staying within my food budget. Well, I've given up. I've turned over all cooking and shopping duties to my husband, Nigel.

Why I didn't do this years ago, I don't know.

He is an awesome cook and can make a dollar stretch like nobody's business. It's also nice to just turn to him and say, "Hey, what's for dinner?" And unlike me (where the answer is usually, "Whatever you can find under the couch cushions" or "Shake the toaster, that's dinner"), he actually makes something!

Also, my cooking experiences often turn out like this recent episode:

I was making rice krispy treats (simple, right?) and I was melting the marshmallows and butter over the stove. I was stirring and stirring and there was still this lump of marshmallow that would just not melt! What was the deal? It's never taken this long. I pulled out the spatula I was using to stir in order to turn up the heat and that's when I noticed that the rubber/plastic/silicone part of the spatula was missing! That wasn't a clump of marshmallow -- it was melted spatula!

I had always had those heat resistant spatulas -- but I guess this one wasn't! Gross! I had to dump it in the trash, clean the pot and start all over again.

Is it any wonder I've given up on cooking?

*Referring to Nigella Lawson, the "Barefoot Contessa." I like watching her cooking show just because her voice is so soothing (it's more relaxing than yoga!).

Yummy Bread Pudding

Last night at book club one of the ladies brought the yummiest dessert. It's a bread pudding made with croissants -- genius!!! Here's the recipe:

BREAD PUDDING

In a 9x13 pan layer 8 buttered croissants sliced open face up. Sprinkle white chocolate chips and layer again.

In a bowl mix:
8 Large eggs
1 Cup Sugar
3 Cups Heavy Cream
2 tsp. Vanilla bean paste
1/2 tsp. Nutmeg
1 Tablespoon Cinnamon

Pour over bread and smash down using a spoon making sure all gets soaked. Let Stand for 30 Minutes.

Bake at 350 for 1hr 30 min in a larger pan water bath (half full) -- covered with foil. Take foil off the last 7 or 8 minutes.

Sauce:
1 Cube Real butter
1 Cup Sugar
1/2 Cup Heavy Cream
1 tsp. Vanilla Bean Paste

Dissolve and Melt in Microwave. Do not boil.

Add any desired fruit last.

We did not have it with any fruit, but it was so, so, so, so good. She said that you can get vanilla bean paste at those fancy gourmet kitchen stores.

By the way, this month we're reading "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. I am loving it and it's one of those books that you can't put down. I can't wait to find out what was in that pie (Don't tell me!).

Happy Anniversary!

Today is the 50th anniversary of the publishing of the book "To Kill a Mockingbird."

I first read this book in high school and absolutely fell in love with it. In fact, I started a "Boo Radley Fan Club" (our logo was a bloody pair of scissors) and even dressed up as Mayella Ewell for my 10th grade yearbook photo.

This was way before the band "The Boo Radleys" was around -- I must admit that once they came on the scene, it took the wind out of my sails (people would think I was a fan of the group, not the book).

Recently, I read the book again for my book club. It was just as great as I remembered it. For our book club discussion, we watched the movie. The movie is almost as good as the book. Who cannot love Gregory Peck as Atticus?

Anyway, happy anniversary!

Freecycle Follies

If you don't know what Freecycle is, it's a Web group where people in a certain area post items that they want to give away or items that they would like to get (and everything must be free). Most people just check the posts on the Freecycle Web page, but I somehow signed up to get all the postings e-mailed to me. This is becoming a pain because every day I get about 200 e-mails from people who are either trying to get rid of stuff, want stuff, received stuff, or are waiting for people to pick stuff up. The bad thing is, the Web site no longer recognizes me as a "freecycler," so I can't change my settings!

Anyway, the fun part is that while I'm wasting precious minutes of my day deleting all the e-mails, I come across some very amusing ones. Granted, they're not amusing in what they're trying to give away (it's always baby clothes or furniture or non-working computers), but what's amusing is how it shows up on the truncated subject line of my e-mail list.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Wanted: Electric Hair

Offer: Bag of various boys

Taken: Slightly used woman

Too much of a veg for veggies

So I got my second basket of produce on Saturday afternoon and I made the mistake of not putting it away in the fridge fast enough (give me a break, my bananas from last week's basket just barely got ripe!). Anyway, I went to put them in the fridge Sunday morning and the strawberries and Swiss chard were already moldy! Snapdragon!

I'm not good with produce. I end up throwing most of it away because I don't eat it fast enough or it never gets ripe or I picked a bad one to begin with.

I give up.