Gassy!

The other day, we smelled gas in our home* (natural gas -- this is not a comment on my lack of cooking skills). I called the gas company and they told us to leave immediately and wait for the gas guy to come and check it out. I told everyone to grab what they needed and to go outside. It was quite eye-opening to see what my family considered "essential."

Me (Lois) -- purse and car keys (give me a credit card and I'm fine; in fact, I was secretly hoping that the place would blow up so that I didn't have to clean it anymore).

Nigel -- photocopies of all of his artwork and some sketch books (gee, is anyone surprised at that one?).

Frances -- our pet rabbit, her favorite teddy bear, her favorite bandana, a poster of Zac Efron (I kid you not) and a "ecstacy/rave" binky (she says because it has a whistle and light). She later lamented that she forgot to bring a book (luckily I always keep one in the car -- never know when "Cujo" is going to trap you in there for days).

Jeffrey -- his favorite (and largest) Lego set, his 1st Grade math trophy and a can of red spray-paint (what?).

Alice-Grace -- a tiara, a pearl necklace and her favorite stuffed animals (keep in mind that she forgot shoes).

I'm sure that I forgot some of the items, but you get the gist of it.

Of course, our 72-hour emergency kits were in a state of disarray (I started reorganizing them months ago and never put them back together again), so we couldn't bring those.

*Luckily, it was no big deal -- just some problems with our water heater that were easily solved.

Bangs & Pops

My youngest child, Alice-Grace, has her own unique view on the world. Some recent examples:

We're watching a show about vampires and Alice-Grace proclaims, "Mom! I think I'm a vampire! Look, I have bangs!"

Yes, she mistook "fangs" for "bangs."

Last month we went on a family vacation. Before boarding the plane, I gave all my children some gum to chew to help their ears pop.

During the flight, I was sitting next to Alice-Grace. She kept reaching up and feeling her ears and commenting on how she wished she had a mirror. Then she would look up at my ears and touch them. Finally, she said, "Yeah, I think they're about to pop, they feel really big and squishy."

She thought I meant that the outside of her ears would expand so much that they would eventually "pop" like a balloon.

Now keep in mind that for both of these instances, she was very EXCITED about either being a vampire or having various body parts explode.

She's an odd duck. Oh, to be six again.

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

I'm famous for never paying more than $1.00 for any car that I've owned and I think it's starting to show. The other day my kids were singing their own version of "The Wheels on the Bus" in reference to our current buck-mobile. It went something like this:

The wheels on the car go flat, flat, flat...

The oil in the car goes leak, leak, leak...

The battery in the car goes dead, dead, dead...

On and on it went.

The final straw was when I was watching a news report about the federal government's new plan nicknamed "Cash for Clunkers." You get a $4,500 rebate towards a new, fuel-efficient car when you turn in your old gas guzzling clunker. In the report, they were showing various cars which should be turned in -- and there was mine. Same make, model, year, color, everything.

No wonder my kids nicknamed our car "The Cause for Global Warming."

She shops, she scores!!!

Here's my latest shopping conquest:

$3.99 V-8 Peach Mango Juice
$2.99 Colgate Toothpaste

$6.98 Total (Regular price)

-$2.60 preferred card savings
-$2.00 manufacturer's coupons
-$2.00 store coupons (special offer doubling coupons savings)

38 CENTS TOTAL, BABY!

From $6.98 down to 38 cents (imagine me doing victory dance right now). Oh, it's so sweet.

Are you boring?

I've just realized that I'm even more boring than I thought -- so I win!

We often play a game we call "Who's the Most Boring." It's a get-to-know-you game where everyone gets 10 pennies and you have to say something that you've NEVER done, but you figure everyone else HAS done. If the other people haven't done it either, they hold on to their pennies. If they have done it, they toss one of their pennies into a center pile. Whoever is the last one with pennies is proclaimed the most boring -- and thus, the winner.

Here are some of my "never" dones:

• I've never sent a text message
• I've never broken a bone
• I've never gotten a parking ticket

And the ones that always win:

• I've never been to IKEA
• I've never been to Walmart

What about you? Are you boring, too?

Here's Your Sign...

My last few posts got me thinking, what would I put on my sign? If I needed help (financial, spiritual, emotional, etc.), what would I write in Sharpie on an old piece of cardboard?

Maybe "Clean House for Food" (meaning I'll give you food if you clean my house).

Buddy, can you spare a dime?

Geo's comment to my last post got me thinking.

I used to be very good about handing out spare change to people on the street (I was figuring that it was theft protection -- if they got enough money that way, the less chance they would mug someone or break into someone's house), but it seemed like as soon as I made eye contact and handed over a few quarters, they would somehow think this meant that I was their girlfriend. This was particularly problematic if it was someone I passed by quite often.

One especially enterprising young lady (we'll call her "Mary Meth") used to panhandle at the entrance of my bank. That way no one could say that they didn't have any money. It got to be so bad that I actually switched banks.

In my prior post I wrote about how I didn't help out with my friend's scrapbook project (just donated money for supplies instead), that I left it up to the "experts." If I can't even put stickers and photos on a piece of paper, what makes me think I can help homeless/jobless/mentally unstable people on the street? Instead, I donate money to foundations and community programs and leave it to the experts.

So sorry, buddy, I really can't spare a dime.

Charity Never Faileth

It seems like everyone these days is holding on to every penny they've got and charitable organizations are really hurting. Of course, there's more need out there for these charities, so they're being hit especially hard.

So I'm trying something new. I've added a "charity" category to my budget.

Now when I go to the store and the check-out lady asks me, "Would you like to donate $1 to help fund cancer/autism/diabetes/whatever research?" I gladly reply, "Why yes, I would!" That usually takes the woman by surprise (since I assume most people say no -- I know I always did). Come on, really, I'm buying three boxes of Twinkies as part of my groceries and I can't spare a buck to save someone's life? Just put back one of the boxes of Twinkies!

The other day I got an e-mail from a friend linking me to a Web page of another friend who is biking for cancer research and asking for donations. Oh, did I mention that this biker is fighting her SECOND bout with cancer? How awesome was it to be able to help out in such a small way.

I guess it all started with my friend who recently lost her baby. Even though this was incredibly hard for her and her family, she decided to put her energies into making scrapbooks for other families in similar circumstances; something to preserve those memories of such precious little lives, no matter how short. Of course, no one wants me to do any scrapbooking, but I could donate some money so the more talented people could buy supplies.

Now I'm not funding wings of hospitals or anything like that, but every little bit counts, right? If I keep my heart open, who knows where this can lead me.

Do you "Wonder"?

"Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

I know it got bad reviews, but I love this movie. We just checked it out from the library and I think I've seen it three times. It just cracks me up and inspires me. My 11-year-old Frances balled her eyes out and cried even more when she found out that the movie isn't based on a real toy store. It's rated G and stars Dustin Hoffman (who is hilarious), Natalie Portman (who actually acts, as opposed to what she does in those horrible "Star Wars" movies), Jason Bateman (loved him in "Arrested Development") and a zebra* named Mortimor.

*According to the "behind the scenes" extras on the DVD, you can't just bring in one zebra to be in a film. You have to have another zebra AND a pony. I think I'm going to bring that up with my boss, "Sorry, if I'm going to work here, I'm going to have to have another woman named Lois AND a pony at my cubicle."

Just Plain Giving Up

So in my last post I talked about giving up my laziness and cleaning my house for Lent. Well, let's just say that it's not going so well.

The other night, Nigel told me that he couldn't find our youngest child, Alice-Grace. We looked all over the house, couldn't find her.

Much to our relief (and my embarassment), we finally found her fast asleep in the middle of the living room floor -- there was so much stuff in there, we couldn't see her!

(Please note: In my defense, I just want to say that I have been busy working on our food storage, so most of our living room is filled with cans of food -- next project: how to make furniture out of #10 cans)